I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize