What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
