I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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