Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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