just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
