i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
