I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
