So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
