I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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