Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
