is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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