Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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