I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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