i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
