Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
