Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
