we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
