I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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