Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
