Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
