Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
