Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
wow bdsm is so cute
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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