he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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