went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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