It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
