I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
