I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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