Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
