i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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