Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
