My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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