How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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