I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
