Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
