At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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