just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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