you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
