"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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