Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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