Whod you bang
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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