Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
