You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
