Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
