it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize