y did u give ur computer a hand job?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
