Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
