I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
