i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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