Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just invented taco cereal.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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