Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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