You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
50% drunk capacity currently
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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