just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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