you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't turn off my feet"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Why did my mother make you get naked?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
