After last night, I could never be a politician.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
