Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
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