He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
