fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
