cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
