I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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