You made me cry and you don't even care
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize