I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
