forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
