Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
