i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
