Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
