Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Randomize