I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
