It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I wish you could order shots online.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
