Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize