btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
