I'm going to jail i love you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize